Today has offered a variety of moments in which my egoic mind has made its presence darn well known in its vigorous belief in small vexations that disturbed my perceptions with astonishing ease. I was a bit further out of the comfort zone today, and although part of me could smile and have compassion for the crankiness my ego offered up at such small provocation, redirecting my thoughts to experience compassion and gratitude took a bit more effort than usual. Or, rather, the redirection occurred with far greater frequency than usual. And, there was a sticky part of that crankiness that just didn’t want to stop feeling vexed and a little mad and put upon.
And, then I read this brief passage from Lesson 8 in A Course in Miracles: “The mind is preoccupied with past thoughts. The one wholly true thought one can hold about the past is that it is not there. To think about it at all is, therefore, to think about illusions…I seem to be thinking about (name of object, person, event, emotion), but my mind is preoccupied with past thoughts.”
This passage really struck me, because I realized that the vexation I had experienced today was all about the past: patterns of behavior developed over many years in response to fear-based triggers; anxiety about events in the past that have nothing to do with, and, yet, direct how I feel about circumstances in this cutting-edge moment of creation; and, being afraid that what happened in the past would happen in the now even though the situations are entirely different.
I realized that I was believing a story that, like all enthralling stories, involved the suspension of disbelief. The illusory seemed ever so real. But, what I was afraid of was really a projection of the mind. The past is not there. There is only Now.
Ahhh…how good I feel in this moment of a little more clarity. I notice my breath again. In breath–I am home. Out breath–peace is my true nature. In breath–The Past is Not There. Out breath–I am at home in this moment.