In Memoriam, my Montana

It has nearly been one year since the passing away of one of the great loves of my life.  About six months ago, when I had a dream of a beautiful mountain viewed from the perspective of a cloud, I realized upon waking how much grief I carried with me every day.  She was strong as a mountain to me, and she effortlessly supported me with simple, present love every day of her life.  When my life seemed to my perspective to have turned upside-down, she behaved as though everything was right-side up.  When I couldn’t find a way to love myself well, much less anyone else, she gave me love without condition.  When I felt unsafe and fearful, her kind fearlessness was a reassuring presence.  When I lost my home, she was all the home I needed to feel that I belonged somewhere.

The way this magnificent being loved was so simple and steady.  She did not ask me to be a better human being than I could manage to be at any given moment.  She taught me by example to be better than I had been being; I often found a better way of being by just watching her being a radiant being.  We humans often believe we are at the top of a hierarchy of sentient beings.  I must respectfully disagree. When I think of her, I am reminded of this beautiful poem by Hafiz, who defined this kind of love in the most poignant metaphor:  “Even after all this time, the sun never says to the earth, ‘You owe me.’  Look what happens with a love like that.  It lights the Whole Sky.”